drinks with Arivaldo

11 Nov. 2009

They were closing up the Botanical Garden and apparently Arivaldo, Debbie, and Arivaldo's partner were going to a concert back at Campo Grande, so Arivaldo offered me a ride and I'm like thanks! But we were going to pick up his partner still. So we went over to her apartment and there was like a little, casual bar thing (they're all over the place by the way) outside of her apartment so Arivaldo Debbie and I just chilled there waiting.

[Like this, but I took this photo in Arembepe]

I guess Arivaldo already anticipated the long wait... we were there like 45 minutes or something while she finished getting ready.
But it was chill, we just sat there talking about stuff.
Arivaldo is one of the favorite people that I have met here. He's really relaxed and easy to talk with. He also has so much interesting knowledge. And I love plants, as fellow inhabitants of this earth. So I love talking to people who know a lot about them.
Anyway, I then I asked him if he had a lot of plants in his house and he's like: "not one" and I thought it was pretty funny and this is when he introduced me to the common saying:

"casa de ferreiro, espeto de pau",

which means something like the blacksmith's house, a wooden fireplace, which is about the irony about how some times what people do professionally is not reflected in what they personally do outside of that realm. Like the English "The shoemaker's child goes around barefoot"

He is pretty knowledgeable in Spanish and Mexican customs too. Apparently he has some Mexican colleagues and friends. He was saying some of the words that his Mexican friends have trouble with like "Bairro" and "Feira"; they tend to forget and say "Barrio" and "Feria" which is more Spanish. So that's a good pattern to take note of: most words that end with "-rio/a" or "rria/o", are likely to be -eira. or -airo, -airro. And a few others words that are the most commonly mispronounced by Spanish-speakers.

But Arivaldo and Tania both knew about a lot of the animals and life in Mexico. For example how we love to eat cactus and we never mix oranges or pineapples with milk in Mexico like they do here in Brasil (It's associated with stomach aches like not mixing lime and milk either because it curdles! --and it's just weird to many Mexicans, anyone hear any other reason why we don't do that?).

Oranges and Milk:

[photo by: JohnAugustinestate's]

I had realized this Bahian/Brasilian custom before Arivaldo told me though, because I was really surprised when my mãe asked if I wanted my orange juice with milk, I'm like what?!
It's so taboo to me I guess.
It's like in the U.S. you don't mix fish and milk very much, or put "American" cheese in smoothies... Okay I'm having trouble finding a U.S. equivalent, but Japanese people, would it not be absurd to mix green tea and milk? That's what I hear anyway--from being scolded for doing it myself, jaja.
But I tried it! (the orange juice and milk). I did it because I feel like the milk they have here is not the same as the milk I have had in the U.S. or Mexico. In Mexico it's often more fresh and less processed; in the states it's a little more processed--but in both cases I know they have a lot of lactose. Meanwhile

the cow milk they have here is bought in little cartons that can be outside the fridge for months...

so I don't know. And sure enough I didn't have any lactose intolerant reaction luckily :) . but I do restrict my consumption--don't go trying a lot if you're lactose intolerant too though, because I don't know for sure it won't hurt.

Avocados! or Abacate [Port.], Aguacate [Span.]:
There is also this difference that here in Brasil, Avocados are conceptualized as being in a sweet/dessert family. Arivaldo was also aware that it is not the case for a lot of places. In Mexico and in most parts of the States it's associated with more savory foods; it's in guacamole. Lime and salt come to mind to me for avocados.
Like you don't add guacamole to your cake. (Or do you?) But here my mãe likes to put some sugar on it and eat it in spoonfuls. Which I am not against either, I tried that too. And I got my sisters to try the lime with salt version and we both liked the new versions.
It is very common in Brasil to make avocado milkshakes (again with the milk jaja) with sugar and lime--woah! watch out Mexicans, triple taboo. Jk. But those are also good, I recommend you try an avocado milkshake.

Then we were talking about Bahian slang and we found out where "Ó Paí, Ó" comes from. Yes it's the title of a pretty popular movie (which I recommend because it's a really good Brazilian film), but it also is a kind of stereotypical Bahian expression that is also used all over Brasil, although not as frequently. We decided that it most likely comes from "Olha para isso, olha" It's common to repeat either the verb or "não" for emphasis. Like: "não brinque com isso, não" emphatic "don't NOT joke about that".
And "Ó" is commonly used to substitute for "olha" which means "look" either figuratively or literally. To call your attention to something usually. and para isso, means "look at that", or "watch out/it". Actually someone said that to me one day that I was in a little local store and I backed up and accidently bumped into a lady behind me, and she said that to me "Ó Paí, Ó"

Arivaldo is really awesome. He's also been a single daddy for a while; I'm not sure why, I didn't want to pry, but he has a little 2 year old baby. I sat next to his car-seat. Arivaldo had some pretty funny stories to tell about him. And explained why the car-seat was all torn up...apparently he likes to bite things.

The reason I tagged this blog with so many different things--well besides feeling like they're relevant and appropriate--I thought it is important to tag it under "gender relations" and "men" because I don't want negative things to be the only things to show up for them-- that wouldn't be representative.
I feel like Arivaldo was completely respectful and casual-professional the whole time, and I am very aware/sensitive about this kind of stuff and sexual harassment etc., and I at no time felt like he was crossing any line.
It was casual because we were joking and laughing and chilling, but he was not implying any inappropriateness, he was not dominating, he was like a good teacher friend who treated Debbie and me like colleagues who were deserving of respect. There was no focus on how we were women and he was a man or that he was older and we were younger; he still respected us and treated us like equals.
Finally his partner came and we were off back to our side of town. He was so kind in taking me literally to the gate of my apartment.
Obrigada Arivaldo!
I came back way later than expected and super hungry but I had a really great time.

communication while away trouble

26 Oct. 2009

It is so much harder to solve problems going on back in the states from here! oh it's so slow and frustrating!

Communication is so difficult

Japão!

Being Asian in BAHIA, BRASIL

Here in Bahia there is a big “Black” population and the rest is mestiço (mixed “race”) or a brunette “White”. It is odd to see anything that strays from it, therefore any Asians are either Japanese or Chinese, and any blonde blue eyed people are assumed to be German many times.

Although I am not Asian, some of my closest friends were and I can’t go without mentioning their experience from what they said and I witnessed. And well if you’re Asian this is really important to you. However, I’m pretty sure that my friends experiences as Asian were also combined with gender effects because only Asian women were on this program so I wonder how the reactions to them would be different were they males.
Okay so.. it was something that my Asian friends noticed right away. Two were Chinese, Two Korean, One Cambodian, and another Japanese/Caucasian. And interestingly they all had different experiences, or (and?) interpreted them differently. I will describe more about 4 of them specifically and give a little of their background.

Jane*: One of my Korean friends, from L.A. and raised as a Korean. Physically she was really tan and died her hair super light, and she always got comments like “Japonesa! Japonesa!” Because the biggest Japanese population outside of Japan is in Brazil—BUT! But, in Sao Paulo which might as well be another country because it’s so far away and demographically/historically very different. Anyway so if you’re Asian in Brazil chances are people will assume you’re Japanese. Although one of my Chinese friends was called “Chinesa” a lot so…I don’t know. But this friend I guess stood out more because of her long thick light brown hair, tan skin-- apart from her race being extremely uncommon in Bahia; I think 0.26% of the Bahia population is Asian. People really find it different and a novelty so their reaction to her many times was asking if they could take a picture of her on their cell phones and what not. And I think she did let them at first but she’d never had someone ask her that before. However, she did feel very uncomfortable afterward and realized that it really made her feel a lot like an outsider and like she really could not blend in, she could not be accepted into the society because she was so different.

How she coped with it: well although she felt like an outsider and everything by the way she was treated and called names almost every single day in the street “Japão!”. One person did know she was Koreana, but one time apparently someone yelled out to her: “Mexicana!” and she’s like “woah, what?” But she tried to understand that she was out of the ordinary and people weren’t treating her as if she were less, just really different, some people would say stuff like “wow, how beautiful”. So I guess exoticizing--hardly better than xenophobia-- happens in every direction it seems, but again the power direction is different in lots of cases.

She could actually relate it to her experience in Mexico. She studied abroad there too, she’s super fluent in Spanish, but anyway so she said that a lot of people would refer to her as “La Chinita” and she found it really offensive at first and was like “I don’t like that” because 1.) she was not Chinese and 2.) because it was using the diminutive like “little Chinese girl” and she felt like she was being talked down to, but then she realized that that’s not the way they meant it. That they meant it more in the endearing diminutive sense, de carinho. So, she didn’t let that affect her experience and so many positive interactions; she made a lot of Brazilian friends who totally looked past her being Asian and she was just a person again.

Alex: She really, really was offended by a lot of what she experienced. She didn’t grow up with any strong Korean culture in New York where I think the Asian population is also pretty low, and in California, where she is studying, she is nothing really new for being Asian. But she would also get very different reactions, although she didn’t have dyed hair or anything and wasn’t as tan, so once people saw her face they’d notice. Many times she’d get the pointing and screaming out “Japonesa, Japonesa!” Especially by children who would follow it by stretching out their eyes. Or she’d just get “Japão!” not even 'Japanese 'but 'Japan'. Another time she was just walking down the street and an older lady suddenly grabs her hand and starts kissing it… in admiration? But she always had the luck of when she met people and they ask where we’re from and we respond California or the United States, then they’d be like “okay and where are YOU from because it looks like you’re from Asia”. Or they’d ask if she and another Asian friend who was there if they were sisters. One time there was this party and the housekeeper’s 13 year old daughter was hanging out with us, and she kept telling Alex “are you sure you’re from the U.S.? Because it looks like you’re from China” and she kept saying “no I’m Korean-America” or whatever, but she kept bringing up this talk of China and Alex was getting really frustrated. She later told me that she wanted to ask her back “ ‘Are you sure you’re from Brazil? Because it looks like you’re from Africa’ because it’s the same thing, I just don’t understand how people find it hard to believe there can be Asians outside of Asia.” So it was really super frustrating for her. It seemed like she got used to the street shout-outs but not when it came to her trying to have a conversation about something else and people keep asking about Asia. But apart from these frustrations she tried not to over-generalize because not everyone was like that, and she had a great time while in Bahia regardless.

Lena: she is from Oakland and goes to Berkeley. She grew up with a strong Chinese culture, she studied a year in China and speaks Mandarin and Cantonese fluently. She is fair skinned with long, straight, black hair. Anyway she also had a really hard time. So much that she just wanted to leave it all and got really homesick and really wanted to be around more Asians. She would get a lot of “Japonesa” too but “chinesa” as well and if not then a lot of stares--explicit stares. One time she was followed around for a while when she wanted to go home from ACBEU but she didn’t want to let this guy know where she lived so walked back around school and the Campo Grande Park until he stopped following her. She was really scared for her safety sometimes but really this treatment was depressing her a lot. She considered it really rude and racist and it really affected her experience in Brazil because she ended up hating Salvador and felt that the poverty and wealth gap were possibly affecting the way that people treated each other rudely. She said she didn’t really want to go back to Brazil unless it was to São Paulo where there is that Japanese bairro and most of the Asian population of the country..

This is what Lena says:
"People in the States in the liberal hotspots like the Bay Area try to be politically correct, sometimes to an extreme. And there are many places in USA that are not like that.
Speaking on being an Asian woman in Brazil has at least two aspects to explore, the race and the gender. You can attest the constant unwanted and rude attention women get from men. Also, there was no Asian man to testify how gender affects the situation.
I don’t mind the assumption that I may be Japanese but why should it be pointed out as I was walking down the street minding my business. I remember a time when Alex*, Ayako* and I were walking back from Porto da Barra and a middle-aged man walking with his wife coming from the opposite direction... said, “japonesa, japonesa, japonesa…” Why? I know Asians are not that prevalent in Bahia but there are pockets of them living there. Of course, there is also this song that gets played that keeps on repeating “japonesa” in the chorus or whatever and that shows how people don’t perceive it as anything rude. But at the moment he points us out, he is making a distinction that we are different from him; we are Asian-looking. (Perhaps a male wouldn’t get the same treatment, the vocal part of it.) Even walking to ACBEU and passing the high school students, some of the boys would try to say nonsensical things in an attempt to make fun of Asiatic languages.
It also bothers me that some people don’t know that Japan is its own country and there are different countries within continental Asian that speak different languages and have different cultures. So, I had to explain that like in Europe that has different peoples and cultures; Asia also has different peoples. And there were quite a few people who can tell that I am Chinese. So there are people who know are more aware of geography and the different peoples that inhabit the earth, but there are people who are not as aware.

As you know, I’m currently in a relationship with a baiano. And he has many stereotypes of Asian people being reclusive, having strict parents, and others that I am not so clear about. It is unfortunate that I am kind of on the quiet side and that he assumes is a racial/cultural type instead of a personality type. He also talks about comparative penis sizes… Suffice it to say, we had many discussions about race. In Brazil there isn’t racial tension but there is inequality, so I think people don’t know the role that misconceptions and stereotypes play in keeping socio-economic inequalities.

Anyhow, like many other Brazilians, he isn’t racist, but really insensitive. Nowadays, he pays attention to a lot more remarks made about Asian people and notices them more and he reports back to me about them, I find it really cute. haha. Another comment he made was that if he were Asian in the USA, he probably wouldn’t feel American. He hasn’t been to the States and he has only watched movies and got other information from the media, but I guess he may be making the association with the Asian population gathering together in Liberdade, Sao Paulo and not fully integrating the Brazilian society…? At least that is the feeling I get from that statement, but I told him that I do feel American, in regards to my views and experiences…what other cultural identity can I claim, clearly I have many Chinese influences but the Chinese within China are very diverse and the Chinese communities in the USA are just as diverse. And the truth is that many generations of immigrants from different regions of the world have been trying to make a place for themselves within USA and that’s what we have to do, make a place for ourselves. Part of the process of making a place for our communities to setting up support systems such as Liberdade or Chinatowns, etc. I find it interesting that it sets people apart, but also, a necessary place to make people visible.

Also, another snippet on race, he told me that his momma didn’t want him to be partners with a darker skinned woman because their children may have a more difficult time in society. It isn’t a problem that I am Asian, apparently. His momma is really fair-skinned, which he considers white, and his father is black. His mom’s siblings are a range of colors. So, on some level, people know of the racial inequality, but maybe like in the States, it is perceived as a black and white dichotomy.
The black and white dichotomy brings another point, where in lecture Fernando and Willys said that the statistics of Asian people are so low, it doesn’t matter in the whole racial dynamics of Brazil. I think there is a similar phenomenon in the USA where people think that Asian people are doing well and are not a part of the racial discussion, but of course this isn’t a correct assumption. I was reading blogs online and there was a comment from an Asian guy associating his insecurities in dating with how he has no confidence because he was Asian. There isn’t a masculine role model for Asian guys and I’m not one for gender roles but I know that such things affect people.

I am very sensitive to these social issues even though there is no hard feelings from the people who say rude things, but a combination of ignorance to the point where it borders disrespect really got to me. Other than that, Brazil was a wonderful experience and people are very nice."

[Thanks Lena!]


Ayako: Because she was Japanese-Caucasian and really tall, had natural light brown hair, a lot of people, on the street and people she met, just treated her like other “American girls” but once in a while she’d get people who said “arigatou” to her and she’d get really excited and ask them in Japanese if they spoke Nihonn-go (Japanese) but sometimes they would just say it teasingly. But she usually didn’t get the “Japonesa!” out in the street.
However, sometimes when she’d meet people even mães from the program! When she’d for one reason or another bring up “oh I’m half Japanese, twice she got in response “oh I can see it now because your eyes go like this [stretching them a little]” and she just was really shocked because from everything that we’re used to in California, that is considered really rude, but this was coming from really extremely sweet mothers and they weren’t doing it to be offensive. I guess people don’t really consider that rude here.




Other experiences with Brazilians:
Even Allegria’s mom, and I see her often, she is just sooo sweet and I love her, she is MARRIED to a Japanese guy but even she treats being Asian as something special I guess… when she was explaining to Allegria: “my husband is Japanese” she’d stretch out her eyes as if to make sure she understood. And when I mentioned one day “oh my partner is also Japanese”, afterward every once in a while she’d make comments like “oh your Japanese namorado is going to love to see you all tan; they go crazy for that” And I didn’t find it particularly rude and it didn’t make me think less of her, but I found it interesting that well even being married to a Japanese man she makes these kind of generalizations but.. yeah race relations are different here.

The histories are very different, Chinese immigrants didn’t play the same role here as in the States and their connotation was never the whole “china man, china man sittin’ on a fence, tryin’ to make a dollar out of 15 cents”. And there was never the whole Pearl Harbor deal, Japanese internment camps, or the “Japs”. So, it may not be as sensitive an issue as in the States.

Just be aware and know that it’s not necessarily meaning to insult you.

Even I get the whole double questioning once in a while, about “oh you’re from California too?” but it’s a lot different because a lot of the time people will just assume I’m Brazilian or I’ll be like “I’m from California” “oh I though you were Brazilian” but it’s because of similar indigenous populations within Brazil that it’s not all that uncommon. But I did kind of feel strange when one time I went to visit my Tia and I was meeting someone and my mom is like,
"you’ve already met her before”
“não, não a conheci, você só falou de uma menina nova, Americana que parece Índia”
[=no, I haven’t met her, you just told me about the new girl, the American girl that looks like an Indian]

So being the American that looks like an “Indian” [native- not from India] makes me feel a little like an outsider yeah. But, like even Fernanda told me one of the first times we met that she was surprised that I’m so morena, and she asked me why I’m so dark/tan. And I saw it as a good opportunity to talk about the diversity in the States and also about some of our race relations and why it is that as a Mexican, Indigenous descendant I ended up in California and also why the “Americans” they usually see are white. I got to describe some of the racial-class issues of the States. And honestly I’m proud of my indigenous background and proud that people can see it, but I guess I am a little sensitive about the incorrect “Indian” terminology.
I don’t mind it when people think I’m from India or anything but it’s the whole like continuation of lack of importance given to Natives that just call them whatever they were first called ignorantly by Colombus, and oh it just makes me remember the whole Cowboy-Indian and “red-skins” deal in the States and the genocide which I still am not over. But I don’t see it as though they are trying to insult me or they realized how charged their words can be to me (and I'm sure lots of other people). But not just because I look this way are they treating me like I’m subordinate so, as long as they still treat me with respect I’m okay and I do understand that it’s not their fault that they say "Indian" and not "Indigenous Peoples" or "Native Americans".

Oi Linda!: Gender Relations Part II (nas ruas)

"Oi Linda!" "Linda, Viu?"

These are comments that my girl friends noticed from the night we stepped foot out of the orienation hotel and into the streets.
Our first experience:
So we were 3 women looking for a place to have dinner and we were walking by a near-by park and there were lots of people out chilling, selling street food like popcorn etc. And when we passed by guys almost all of them would make some sort of comment and my friend Allegria said “well, then I’m glad that at least I don’t understand what they’re saying” and right after she said that a guy we passed goes: “beeeautiful”. It was just amazingly good timing. So anyway this was fairly representative of our experience on the streets of Salvador as women from that day forward. It happens every day especially if you’re alone; it happens far less if you’re with a guy and especially if they think the guy is Brazilian.

But yeah it is very uncomfortable, to quote one of my friends who is constantly hit on almost everywhere, that she “feels like a deer in the woods ready to be hunted" or with comments like “gostosa” [delicious] "literally like a slab of meat at a delicatessen." Although I/we don’t condone this, my friends and I agreed that at least they’re just comments like “Beautiful” and not more vulgar commens about our bodies or anything like that, which we have experienced before in the States. Allegria, from San Francisco said one time when she was walking to a job interview and felt she looked really cute, a guy passing her says “nice tits” and that is… yeah so we’re thankful that usually it’s something less vulgar.

But of course this kind of thing does seem to be limited to experiences with strangers and usually on the street [some have experienced a lot of machismo in their capoeira classroom but it’s a different sort of thing]. Because I am not treated like this by all guys/men on the street. Especially if they’re working. I’ve noticed that wearing the uniform really means something; sometimes the minute some guys are off work--like our tour guide at Morro-- it’s a totally different story. But yeah I am not harassed by my sisters’ friends or other friends we make here at some concerts etc. Of course even less by the males in our host families. I also think that anonymity and social class have something to do with it usually.

• How do I cope with it?

I guess I had had some experience with that before, in the U.S. in Mexico, but I don’t feel comfortable, and I don't condone it as a patriarchal behavior so men feel dominant over women reminding us that our place is nothing more than as sex machine as we were created for men’s pleasure and passing on of genes. But anyway, I guess you just kind of learn to ignore the common "oi linda" "oi amor!" "linda, viu?" to the point that in some situations I just find it somewhat amusing even. Like one time I was walking by some gated building and there was a guard behind the gate who saw me between a crack for like one second and he goes “wiew”, like he was on a rollercoaseter or something.

My friends and I satirize it all the time. “oooh, do my half-shaven, pasty, mosquito-bitten legs turn you on?” Because it really doesn’t matter as my housekeeper, Fernanda has said, whether you’re all dressed up/ showing cleavage and in a mini skirt or “toda desarrumada ” and all covered up and sloppy.

But this one time that it got to be more than just “oi linda”. I was at a bustop with 4 other friends and this man who was homeless, came up to us and started talking to us, asking where we were going and such, and my friend responded “praia do flamengo” and he was okay at first but then he started saying stuff like “oh I bet you’d look good on the beach with those long legs” and from there we demonstrated disapproval and tried to ignored him. Then he went away and came back "where are you from?" And I answered “Sou Brasileira” thinking he might leave us alone now if he’s only doing this because he thinks we’re all tourists who don’t know how to deal with this stuff, but nope that didn’t help--and I guess we didn't really know how to deal with this stuff. Cause he grabs my arm and kisses it ..out of patriotism? I don’t know but that’s when we moved away because touching or any physical contact is waaaay beyond crossing the boundaries. So we moved away and then it seemed like he was gone so we came back, (the bus still hadn’t come) and we sat down on the benches and then in like 3 minutes he comes over and sits next to me and wants to keep talking and I’m like “I have to go”. But he gets up and follows me and he’s like “no wait let me give you another kiss” me: “nao!”

So I recommend that if something is going beyond (because you can spend your whole day just saying something back to every person that sexually harasses you and it seems like a waste of energy because it'll happen the next day again and again and again) and is persistent that you just leave the area, or it will escalate. You can also say “me deixa em paz” = “leave me alone” and then go. Sometimes, like in this case it doesn't seem like reason will really help because this guy seemed to have a mild mental disorder and I don't know I just know that being homeless his behavior is reflecting his life experience and what he’s probably been seeing on the streets all the time. And I was thinking also that since I don't experience this sexual harassment with my family or my sister's friends well they are all from a middle-upper middle class so may be that's a factor. However it's not so say that it doesn't exist in that social class because....

This other time, God, also at a bus stop --by myself this time, I was waiting for the Praca da Se bus and it was taking for EVER! I had already waited like 30/40 minutes and in the last 10 minutes there was a guy who was in a suit, suitcase, tie, and reading the newspaper apparently just got off work or something, and I noticed he kept staring at me and smiling creepily just watching me. And I moved a little and he followed, I moved back and so did he. It was getting weird so I just decided to get on the next bus even though it was the executivo (executive), more expensive one because I wanted to go already. And he gets on the bus with me! But I kind of made the seat next to me unavailable so he sat more towards the front
And I wasn’t sure where to get off because this bus might have different points than the other normal bus. So I asked this other guy who was farther in the back with me. He was super nice he was explaining everything to me, very respectful and he told me he’d let me know when to get off. So then he says “it’s coming up” so I go back up to the front and the bus driver told me oh wait it’s a couple more blocks, but to my bad luck there was terrible traffic and I was standing almost right in front of the suitcase guy and I start hearing some noises. I thought it was my imagination at first, and then I told myself may be he’s just smacking his lips at what’s in the newspaper, but afterward "no it can’t be that repetitive". But I felt disgusting because I had my backside to him and now I realize he’s making kissing noises at me trying to do it only loud enough for ME to hear and oh man those minutes were eternal to me and I guess he did want some kind of reaction because he was getting louder and louder to make sure I heard, so I decided not to look because obviously that’s what he wanted if my reaction at the time--of not doing anything-- was not what he wanted. But I just got filled with such raiva that I just wanted to turn around and smack his dirty lips I just wanted to slap him. Like what the hell are you doing?! And then finally it was my stop, and he gets off too. I was determined to lose him in the crowd luckily avenida sete is always crowded. But I was still feeling really frustrated. And it was worse to me than when the homeless guy kissed my arm because it is definitely a different power dynamic. This guy had not only had the education to know that he is doing something wrong but I almost feel like he was doing it for that purpose. Because he “knows” he is in the position of power and probably wanted to intimidate me or something, and obviously it’s very unequal because I can’t do that back to him and make him feel the same way, he can’t feel sexually harassed by me and if I did what he did to be back, he’d probably like it.
Oh disgusting though. I
t was the WAY he was looking at me. a super sexual way of looking at me and it really did make me feel like being violent towards him. I don’t know if I dealt with that well, I still feel like I should have told him something in front of those people on the bus like “velho perverso, você não tem vergoinha de ser tão maleducado!” But again I’m not sure if he probably even would have wanted that, or any reaction. I think, well I wish I didn’t react the way I did internally because that only hurts me. I wish it hadn’t bothered me to that point, but it did all the more because he was a “White” man.

So, like I said it usually had to do with class but not always, and it was very interesting how different my reactions were to this. But after I told my friends they were totally more disgusted regardless of all the kisses blown at them before, but it did make a difference that it was a White man from an higher class. It just is a different power dynamic in this instance and it changes the way we perceive it.

[the picture is from: ]

Culture shock part II: in the house

I forgot to mention but the day I came home for the first time, the house cleaner was cleaning the bathroom. And when my mom introduced me to her, I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to but I hugged her. And I think may be that might have been weird, or unexpected. But yeah I have never had a maid or servant or house cleaner, and I don’t know what to call her when referring to her. In Brazil I hear “doméstica” “moça/ moço" [pr:/mossa/mossu/] and I’m not sure which one is preferable.

All families in this program had some kind of helper. Most of my friends had females, a couple I knew had male cooks/house cleaners who did laundry too. I also have to add that all of the ones I’ve met are African descendents while the families tend to be “white”.
It’s not recognized as institutional discrimination that 90% of the poor population is African descendent. And I believe over 95% of domesticas are black females. And honestly this to me, really brings to life all the history that we’re learning about slavery in Brazil, and like I said usually our middle/upper class families are “White” (mine is what would be called “morena” I think and they have a different background than most of the families in the program; both my host mom and host father grew up in the interior on farms) anyway, then I see Fernanda (I changed her name for this post) barefoot in the kitchen (before this was considered a sign that someone was a slave, freed blacks wore shoes) and exposing herself to all these harsh chemicals in the bathroom and just working sooo hard all day more/longer than she had been told…I feel like it’s really unfair that this labor is reserved for only a certain demographic.

Anyway..so yeah my family had two moças at first but then only one that did cleaning and cooking, and then a male cook for special occasions like the Caruru.
I was totally not used to that or having other people do my laundry and dishes all the time, but Fernanda and Barbara, and Ed (pronounced /edgy/) were so nice to me and especially Fernanda that it wasn’t hard to interact with them. I mean they weren’t like afraid to talk to me or anything and I’m sure they kind of have an interest in not making me dislike them, but I see them as friends. I have become really close to Fernanda because she comes three times a week now and on one day that my mom goes to church to volunteer so she’s who is keeping me company (since the rest of my family leaves super early in the morning to school and work). While I’m having breakfast or lunch she’s preparing the next meal right there in the kitchen next to me so we have a lot of interesting conversations, we'll joke around a lot too.

I can really relate to her a lot—even more than my host family sometimes, not saying that our experiences are necessarily comparable, but we both have single mothers and have had similar experiences in certain circumstances. Her mom also moved to a different place in search of better opportunities. And then we talk about relationships and how her daughter is doing, well I don’t want to divulge too much information about her but she’s told me some pretty funny things. Oh I love Fernanda she makes my day she’s just such a genuine person and always seems to be in a good mood. I actually hug and kiss her good-bye all the time now. I don’t know if that is against social norm, but she seems to be fine with it and does it too. :D

I see that my host mom and family all have a personal relationship with her too, they know a lot about Fernanda's personal life and family. She's been with this family 3 years. My mom is always telling her about what's going on in her life, she's complain to her, share joy too. It would seem like she's a part of the family, but not really. I also see how they can be a little disrespectful to her time too, but I don't think I should mention some stuff, but generally my host mother tries to do things for her.

In this picture is Fernanda and one of my mom's sister's cooking for the Caruru, a lot of help was needed that day. But also to bring up the point that in my family, my mom and her sisters and my host sisters also do chores once in a while. My mom has done my laundry and she does cook a lot for me, and washes the dishes and kitchen counters etc. But I've never seen them wash the bathrooms or floors.

Culture shock Part I

20/09/09
FOOOOOD culture shock: the food is still a little too salty and too sweet for me…:(

My host family eats cake and chocolate milk with chocolate cookies in the morning. :( And I know lots of people like that, but it's really hard for me, because I feel sick with so much sweet food.
But I am really glad that I was extremely specific in my housing questionnaire, I suggest that you do that unless you have no problem being blunt and risk hurting their feelings later on. But yeah it doesn't hurt to be super specific.
Talking to my peers about our experiences at our new homes, it seems to be a common issue. People mention things like not being used to the sweet juice or so much red meat, or so much rice, or meat in their beans all the time, or having food heated in the microwave. And they honestly weren’t sure how to tell their families about it. People just didn’t want to hurt their mom’s feelings or like with the microwave thing, my friend didn’t want it to more generally kind of insult his family's way of doing things and really change their lifestyle. As for me, I really don’t know how to tell my mom that the food is too salty for me. But it is a really big problem-- to the point that so many times that I was eating I was thinking it is NOT possible for me to keep eating this because I feel like my tongue is shriveling up and drying and that can't be good for me. It was that intense. But that's usually only with some meats, and I think it’s because it is really heavily salted for preservation purposes. I’m still not sure, but I still haven’t figured out the best way to tell them my mom about this.
But there were many friends who had no problem with that; they loved their food it was perfect and delicious, and yeah going over to their houses and eating lunch there [many students did this] to check out some different cooking, oh I loved doing that. Especially at my vegetarian friends' places, it was really delicious and not too salty or too sweet for me, and I really got to see how different the cooking style's are. They were really very different in every house that I visited.

But, again I’m really glad that I was very detailed. Like I put down that I don’t eat a lot of meat, I have to eat plenty of vegetables, and fiber—have to have those at every meal. Not too much starch or carbohydrates like bread and rice, I am also lactose-intolerant so I also can’t have too much cheese or cow milk, I drink soymilk but I am into experimenting with new food and I love, love fruits. When I was writing all this I was thinking: oh my gosh no family is going to want me, they’re going to think I’m super picky and anal and difficult. But no, it was really worth it; i'm glad i did it because they are important things for my health, and everything that I mentioned my family is really good about. Now it's just going to be about how to tell them about what I didn't mention. ...